Let's get moving. I see the excitement in your eyes. You make my nerves ache. Titch.

Stitch up my scars. Make them bleed again. Just like my memories, they will never fade.

Wade through my pool of emotion. Get tangled in the sheets. Fumble your way into estacy.

I'm off like a prom dress...
xo. whisper

If I were a vegetable, I would be a radish. Because I'm only kind of rad.



I am off in my own world lately. Caught up in life, which is not really a bad place to be all things considered. When you get wound up in anything things get neglected. I am happy this time around my priorities are in the right places and thus, this sad little blog is left to gather virtual dust. Better than the other way around.

I am living life to the fullest. I am surrounding myself with family and friends. I am eating delicious and fresh foods and treating my body to the challenge of exercise. I wake up every morning feeling like it will be a wonderful day. I have a smile and a kind word to everyone I meet.

My glass is completely full, none of that half business.

Carpe Diem.

But will that keep people from using them?



LONDON — International cancer experts have moved tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation into the top cancer risk category, deeming both to be as deadly as arsenic and mustard gas.

For years, scientists have described tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation as "probable carcinogens."

A new analysis of about 20 studies concludes the risk of skin cancer jumps by 75 percent when people start using tanning beds before age 30. Experts also found that all types of ultraviolet radiation caused worrying mutations in mice, proof the radiation is carcinogenic. Previously, only one type of ultraviolet radiation was thought to be lethal.

The new classification means tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation are definite causes of cancer, alongside tobacco, the hepatitis B virus and chimney sweeping, among others.

The research was published online in the medical journal Lancet Oncology on Wednesday, by experts at the International Agency for Research on Cancer in Lyon, the cancer arm of the World Health Organization.

"People need to be reminded of the risks of sunbeds," said Vincent Cogliano, one of the cancer researchers. "We hope the prevailing culture will change so teens don't think they need to use sunbeds to get a tan."

Most lights used in tanning beds give off mainly ultraviolet radiation, which cause skin and eye cancer, according to the International Agency for Cancer Research.

The classification of tanning beds as carcinogenic was disputed by Kathy Banks, chief executive of The Sunbed Association, a European trade association of tanning bed makers and operators.

"The fact that is continuously ignored is that there is no proven link between the responsible use of sunbeds and skin cancer," Banks said in a statement. She said most users of tanning beds use them less than 20 times a year.

But as use of tanning beds has increased among people under 30, doctors have seen a parallel rise in the numbers of young people with skin cancer. In Britain, melanoma, the deadliest kind of skin cancer, is now the leading cancer diagnosed in women in their 20s. Normally, skin cancer rates are highest in people over 75.

Previous studies found younger people who regularly use tanning beds are eight times more likely to get melanoma than people who have never used them. In the past, WHO warned people younger than 18 to stay away from tanning beds. The American Cancer Society advises people to try bronzing or self-tanning creams instead of tanning beds.

I'm going to wait until all this attention dies down to start blogging again. Messy stuff. For now, this felt a little appropriate. For you, Holly.

Dan of TheTheologiansCafe posted a blog about a teenager dying of cancer who wanted a bunch of xanga friends. A friend of mine brought it to my attention with the suspicion that it might be fake. Why if you were dying would you want a huge audience for that? A bunch of strangers on the internet to pity you? Why not spend the time with your family and friends?

Things just weren't adding up right, she posted close to 100 blogs in less than 2 months, pictures seemed to have been taken from other websites with a variety of qualities, pictures of her "home" that I swear I saw in a Pottery Barn catalog last year and a few "boyfriend" pictures where one didn't even look like the same guy (different skin tone and a slight difference in muscles, of course she picked a hunky one.) I wish I would have gotten a screen shot of that.

There was also the weird twist where orginally she claimed that although her father was abusive he never raped her or anything like that (why she felt the need to point out that his abuse didn't equal rape I don't know) then later came out to say that her "sister" is really her daughter by her father. Okay, weird things happen but okay. Part of it is I think that teen dying from cancer isn't as sad as teen mother dying from cancer.

And of course the heart break continues, her mom died in June of skin cancer, just like what she was dying of. There was that one and only post about her mom. No mention that her mom had cancer (or any mention of her mom at all actually) until she announced the death. There was very little if any of her mom after that. She seemed to just go on with life like nothing happened, strange for a 18 year old girl who just lost her mother and was pretty much estranged from her father as she claims. (Added later: Something I just thought of, later on she says things about going out with the family but her dad wasn't included. What family was she going with? I also saw no mention of where her siblings went after the mother's death if they didn't stay with the father. The family dynamic here is just very very strange.)

One thing that jumped out was the bottom post on her front page. It was about tattoos. She posted two pictures, saying that they were hers and was asking for suggestions on what to get next. (Why would you want to waste money on a tattoo if you are dying? Especially since it wouldn't be personal at all if you get the idea from a random person on the internet. But I digress.) The skin tone was so different, I jumped onto google image search and typed in "Fuck Cancer tattoo" and sure enough, up pops a man's flickr account.

Here is a screen shot of her site next to the flickr account. Fishy huh? (Click for a bigger view.)



I sent a message to the man about his stolen picture, to Dan about enabling a fake and to Tiny Trouble herself. This is what I said to her:

"Hun, you honestly need to grow up. It is really sick that you are faking this so much and getting so much attention for it. Can't you be yourself? Pretending to be dying is not the way to do it. It is truly disgusting.

I messaged the man that you stole the 'fuck cancer' tattoo from. He will decide what to do from there. I am also searching for the people that I believe you have stolen pictures of their children and will be contacting them as well. This is a very dangerous game you are playing. I urge you to reconsider. "

I also noticed that her "boyfriend" has been online today and actively posting. His "online now" symbol was shining bright even when I sent that message. Why was he not at the hospital with his dying girlfriend? Maybe being on xanga was more important. I believe that was her, since obviously she couldn't claim to be in the hospital if she was posting about all the attention she was getting so the obvious choice was to send the "boyfriend". This is such a sick twisted game.

TinyTrouble found herself in big trouble. Shortly after my message to her was sent, hers and the "boyfriend" aka dsmithc's sites were shut down, allegedly by this boyfriend because when your girlfriend just died the first thing you will do is think about xanga, of course. Minutes later a best friend is claiming she has died. Wow that was really really quick, seeing as your BEST FRIEND just died. Shouldn't you be... uh... grieving? But no, you have enough time to fairly calmly update your xanga. Both the best friend's and the boyfriend's detachment from this is just another red flag.

Could it be that Holly, boyfriend and this best friend are one and the same? I believe so. Or at least this best friend is in on the lie which is pretty bad also.

It is saddening that she has done this. She is preying on other's emotions in such a disturbed way. I hope that she can find peace with herself and not have to hide behind lies.

Update: A friend is saying that yes she lied but she did die, of a brain tumor. You can find what was said on page 3 of the comments. My response:

I still don't buy it. She even lied about what she was dying of. Why would she feel the need to lie about that?

She created a story around a cancer that she doesn't/didn't have. She fooled many people, yes on the internet but these are people in real life. These are people who spent time worrying about her and praying. Dan told me that he spent the day depressed thinking about her. She lied to all of them. And because of that she also made herself an example of just another person with fake cancer, whether she truly had a type of cancer or not. Now there is going to be suspicion in everyone mind's if they come across someone else online with cancer. That is a disservice to them. People should not have to wonder if this person who has a very life threatening disease is lying for attention or not. And the ones with cancer should not have to worry if others will believe them or write them off as fake.

If she is dead, I am sorry for that but that does not give her a free pass for this. Too many things don't add up and since I have caught her in at least one lie (that could have had legal consequences since Flickr is an all rights reserved site), it is going to take a lot to make me believe that she is who you say she is. If you would please forward me the obituary when it comes. I will admit it when I am wrong but as far as I can see now, she lied and that is what there is.


Update #2: And conveniently, this best friend's site has vanished as well. It's like the Bermuda Triangle....


Not really an update: Check this article out. Munchausen by internet strikes again.


I did want to add that there was nothing wrong with the support given to "Holly" because it was heart felt even if this turns out to be fake. The attention she did get is a testament to the compassion of the human race. Whether or not she deserved it, she got the love, support, thoughts and prayers of many people around xanga. That is the kind of world I want to live in.